Canned greens won't do. I don't know what those people are doing to their greens before they go in the can, but it is a tragedy. Canned peas are okay. Canned cabbage is fine (unnecessary, I mean, how long does it take to cook a cabbage!?!). But canned greens--it's just homemade sin in a can.
The other challenge for us to cook collards is that Richard is a vegetarian. Collards, of course, is a dish that starts with frying a slab of bacon. In the south, collards is hardly vegetarian. I wasn't sure that I could cook collards, for a northern palate, without the softening flavor of bacon and bacon grease.
All of that changed when I sent Richard to the store to get our iguana, Fred, some turnip greens. Fred's staple was turnip greens, and we were out. Richard agreed to make the trip, and he returned with a sack full of collards. When I explained how to tell the difference, Richard just shook his head in confusion. Fred didn't eat collards. So I cooked them for Richard.
The result was LOVE. Richard really enjoyed the flavorful greens, even without the traditional bacon assist. So, here's my recipe for Richard's Collards.
1. Buy some collards and bring them home.
2. Remove the leafy part from the tough spine. My grandma taught me this, and it does make for a better batch of collards. You can see here to the left my processing area (my kitchen is small, so there is a lot of junk around). I take the raw collard leaf from the bag, rip the soft leaf from each side of the spine, put the leaves in the collander, and put the spines in a plate to throw away. 3. Wash the leaves thoroughly. It's important to check for dirt and critters in the leaves.
4. Put your largest pot up on the stove. Add 2 tbsp of vegetable oil and turn the heat up to medium-high. While the oil is heating, chop up a large onion (purple is best, but any onion will do). If you have it, chop up some green pepper, and any other mild peppers you might have. I like to throw a frozen bag of pepper mix into the oil.5. Cook the peppers and onions until they are heated up, and you are pretty sure your oil has a nice peppery-oniony taste to it. While the peppers and onions are cooking, shred the collards with your hands like you would lettuce for a salad. Just so the pieces are closer to bite size.
6. When the peppers and onions are done, add four cups of water and 6-8 cups of collards. Set the stove burner to medium heat. You will see that you have lots more collards than water. That's okay. They will cook down really, really 
fast. If you need more water, wait 30 minutes before adding it just to make sure your collards don't cook down before you need it.
fast. If you need more water, wait 30 minutes before adding it just to make sure your collards don't cook down before you need it. 7. Add a tbsp. of salt and 2 tbsp. of sugar. Stir and cook uncovered 2-6 hours until your collards are tender enough to eat. You may have to add salt and/or sugar to taste. You can cook a lot ahead. They freeze very well.
TIPS: Greens are bitter, so sugar is necessary to cook them (unless you are really into bitter food). In your onion-frying step, you can add fresh cherries to sweeten the oil, and then the greens. Greens are also awesome topped with mangoes. I never eat greens without sweet tomato relish. McCutcheon's brand Tennessee Chow Chow is the jar that tastes most like my mom's relish. You can find it in the pickle aisle at most stores.
NUTRITION INFO: Even with the grease and sugar, greens are very, very good for you. They are high in vitamins A and C, and they even have protein, calcium, and fiber. They are low in carbs and calories. They will "clean out your blood" as my Mamaw says. So, eat your greens!
